Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
