I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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