Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
