I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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