just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
