Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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