i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
