Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
