So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
