You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
