hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
