Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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