So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A bitchslap is in order.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
