i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i dont even know how to be here
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
