His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
