I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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