Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
