Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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