dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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