Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
