I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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