hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
