We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
