Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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