she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
