suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
