I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
