Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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