I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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