He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
