is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
