There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
