I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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