There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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