I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
