they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
