i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
