I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
