A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
