DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
