my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
