No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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