I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
