Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
