That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
