My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
