ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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