pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
