do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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