We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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