Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So apparently I’m into choking now
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