No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
