I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
