well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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