They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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