whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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